2. Mocking Order
Video
Understanding Your Pet Earthling
Earthlings have complex rules for
measuring social dominance, and they
constantly change these rules.
measuring social dominance, and they
constantly change these rules.
For example, recently some earthlings earn
higher social status if they bend their bodies
very slowly, which they call “yoga”.
higher social status if they bend their bodies
very slowly, which they call “yoga”.
They also earn
social status if they
can balance themselves
on a plank floating on water
which they call “surfing”.
social status if they
can balance themselves
on a plank floating on water
which they call “surfing”.
Or if the water is frozen,
they call it “snowboarding”.
they call it “snowboarding”.
Or if the plank
has wheels they call it
“skateboarding”.
has wheels they call it
“skateboarding”.
Earthlings create rhythmic
patterns of sound waves, which
they call “music”, to measure social
status. Those who like the correct music at the
correct time pass the test to earn higher social status,
patterns of sound waves, which
they call “music”, to measure social
status. Those who like the correct music at the
correct time pass the test to earn higher social status,
while those who like the
wrong music are mocked, which
is how they establish their mocking order.
wrong music are mocked, which
is how they establish their mocking order.
Similarly, earthlings strategically
place fabrics around their bodies,
which they call “fashion”.
place fabrics around their bodies,
which they call “fashion”.
Those who wear the correct
colors and shapes automatically
become their social rulers.
colors and shapes automatically
become their social rulers.
But earthlings change these
rules so frequently, that what
earns them social status in one orbit
may lose them social status during the next orbit.
rules so frequently, that what
earns them social status in one orbit
may lose them social status during the next orbit.
Sometimes
earthlings make up
self-destructive rules,
especially the juveniles.
earthlings make up
self-destructive rules,
especially the juveniles.
They reward
social status to peers
who poison more of their
own brain cells and deprive
themselves of sleep, which
they call “partying”.
social status to peers
who poison more of their
own brain cells and deprive
themselves of sleep, which
they call “partying”.
While we think this might be an
adaptation to prevent overpopulation,
it seems to have the opposite effect.
adaptation to prevent overpopulation,
it seems to have the opposite effect.
And amazingly,
earthlings can
achieve maximum
social dominance by
being both unique
and exactly the
same as their peers
simultaneously,
earthlings can
achieve maximum
social dominance by
being both unique
and exactly the
same as their peers
simultaneously,
a quantum state of
rebellious conformity
previously thought
to be impossible.
To maintain a good relationship with your
pet earthling, do not try to understand their
music, fashion, or other rules of social dominance.
pet earthling, do not try to understand their
music, fashion, or other rules of social dominance.
Any attempt
is futile.
is futile.
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© 2021 Hans Ness
1. Humans form dominance hierarchies, just like many animals: Chickens have their pecking order. Gorillas challenge for the alpha throne. Rams butt heads. Even mice, lizards, fish, and insects have social ladders.
2. Humans are obsessed with arts and aesthetics. Starting at a young age, we form aesthetic preferences for foods, drinks, colors, shapes, clothes, music, dancing, fragrances, words, stories, and humor. While some aesthetics are important for survival, like avoiding rotten food, most of our preferences seem to have no biological purpose and go way beyond the necessities for survival.
What is so interesting is that we have combined these two phenomena over the course of our civilization. Instead of fighting/ramming/pecking, we now wage battles of taste. We can lacerate with a razor-sharp verbal cut down, and win followers with an ineffable air of coolness, establishing our social dominance hierarchy, bruising only our egos, not our skin. The zinger is mightier than the sword.
Even when we try to have an intellectual debate to choose the wisest candidate, it is the aesthetic of our rhetoric that wins the battle by outwitting our opponent and making them look foolish.
Please comment to help me refine/expand this draft.